My heart has been continuously bothered by so many lies constantly being used for self gain. I have used them, and I know you have to. The lies may be out of self-protection or self-gain. However you have used them, lies have become a norm and only called out when there is a demand for a so called fact check. Why have we agreed to be ok with the path of not choosing truth? With our emotions changing regularly, how can we be so sure the way we feel is always the best response in every area. I have personally changed my response depending on the moment and conditions even though I know morally it was not right. (I am sure you have experienced this in yourself or in others as well.)
These experiences have me so caught up in truth in recent years; it directly forced me to seek truth in every area of my life. I seek truth in my research AND in my ethics. The prior is easier because the scientific method is available to question truth; however, the results can be manipulated if my ethics are incorrect. If I want the conclusion to be a certain result merely to portray personal gain, then I lose in my goal in being my best self and everyone else does as well. As I take an extended journey into apologetics and ethics at Denver Seminary, I invite you to join me as I journal on this page to offer you what I find in my explorations. My goal is to maintain a neutral bias as I ask questions and seek true answers in how to behave, so I can live in truth. Here are the first questions in which I am seeking answers: If we as humans are so broken and flawed, then how are we so confident we know what is best for ourselves and others? Why are choosing only grace or only truth in our love for others? If we can determine what we believe and why we believe what we believe, can we truly find how to behave to truly live? I welcome your comments and responses as I seek to know how you perceive the answers to these questions. Aletheia = truth in Koine Greek if you were curious.
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The boy stood there on that cold winter day looking across the street at a fresh, wet snow covering the houses along the street. His feet were frozen in the snow, not by temperature, but the fear of what step to make next. Time did not move. And it seemed like forever before the police and coroner arrived.
The family had been together that Sunday to celebrate the leading lady of the family's birthday. The birthdays she now wish never existed. Her youngest daughter showed some major distractions in her normal ornery personality. Orneriness made a us, us. The darkness covered that small farm house after the boy's aunt left that day. It struck and covered shortly after she left and called… Absolute insanity ensued as the adults and teens jumped into whatever car they could and raced to her home a few miles down the road. Cars and traffic lights did not exist. No one existed except their family. Not knowing what happened or where anyone was, filled the boy's body with fear and anxiety as his heart pounded and body swelled. He stepped into the garage where his uncles white car was running. He and his sister peered in to find the most horrific sight they had ever experienced. Blood covered and flowed out of their uncle's head. The boy's heart stopped. The boy's swelling poured out his body. He could not contemplate how the separation of reality and dreams. All he knew was his previous path of life would be forever changed after the moments of the past thirty minutes. Just a few months prior the family had met on a cool October night for their annual wiener roast behind the barn. His uncle was a man he looked up to because he had qualities that the boy desire. Muscles. Charisma. Wisdom. Manliness. History. The boy desired to know this path, so he began emulating his ways. Now he was gone. Much truth followed this time. Everyone's weakness and secrets revealed the brokenness in us. Unfortunately, forgiveness did not always follow. Condemnation and separation ultimately won. Much like in our daily walk in humanity. Much, and I mean much, has changed. Not because I was seeking a change, but because God was seeking a change in me. God wanted me to go deeper into loving and caring for his people. This lead me into resigning from a position many would seek for life to applying for a degree at the Denver Seminary.
Over the past month, I have had numerous moments of affirmation of this decision. One last week changed my heart forever, when I was onsite of the shooting at STEM Highlands Ranch minutes after the tragedy occurred. Seeing students' eyes after experiencing fear directly, and their parents in desperation to find their children safe are memories I will carry with me forever. Sitting with, comforting and praying with these young hearts as their hands trembled in mine stirred feelings with my heart I had suppressed for the past twenty plus years after experiencing tragedy in my own life. Hearts a capable of immense change in moments or slowly over time. Two things have altered my heart in the past year. One is the many I have had deep discussions on what they believe to be true. The reality I concluded is very few of us know what is true because we have not fully investigated all aspects of truth. The other is the lack of deep heart love and caring for one another. Both of these are evident in how we are living our daily lives and the choices we make for ourselves each day. This selfishness can drive the negative feelings we have in one another and degrade our conversations. I see our lack of addressing our broken hearts as a major missing link. The broken heart must be cared for and love, before it can begin to process what is true in life. With these two in place I believe we can be transformed and restored. The difficulty is accepting and surrender the lone being capable of doing so for us. Many know of whom I write. The question is are we willing to give up our earthly life for him. I chose to do so many years ago, but only now have I fully surrendered every part of my being to serve him in whatever role he has planned. Therefore, in choosing this, I have chosen to seek truth in all I learn in history, in belief and in myself as I move into this next season of my life has a husband, father, and citizen of earth. I thank each one of you for being a piece of how my life is becoming what it is as I love and care for each one of you. You can begin finding me on the Denver Seminary campus next week. It has been some time since I updated this page. The reasons are many, but the ultimate reason is due to my mind being oppressed in conditions I could not change. Well, at least it could not for some time. Trusting God even in the great challenge I knew the conditions would not crush me, so I chose to persevere in them until He told me to make my exit into His next step in guiding me closer to His plan for my life.
The plan has always been a bias toward wandering which many perceive as a "lost" condition because it does not match the societal norm. When I am presented this perspective by others, I regularly think of Moses and his wanderings through the desert. He was not really wandering, rather he was allowing God to guide him. In pursuing God daily, I find my heart loving Him more daily and my soul being filled with the Holy Spirit in a constantly growing vessel. The result to His plan is growing me into a human being prepared for greater service, greater husbandry, greater fatherhood, and greater childhood. I still have no idea why He draws me to explore human adaptation to mountain environments, nor why He has recently called me into applying to the Denver Seminary. What I do know is I pursue Him with all my heart, soul, mind, body, strength and will every day. During this time, my family has done the same in how they seek Him. They prayed deeply for friendship with other families, and they have found relationships I can only dream of for them. Seeing their eagerness and joy to be with them fills my heart and soul to know Jesus is right there showing what His faithfulness to Him yields. Such great gifts in spite of what our lives may seem to be to others in this world. We have wandered, and we have walked right into Him. Life rarely goes as planned and when it does the within grows and stretches to a being I never knew could exist. Today, we had a great addition to our familial world after a moderately stressful laboring period ending in the reality of the umbilical cord being wrapped around around new baby's face. We had planned for this possibility even though it was not in "our" plan. Constantly assessing all possible variables stresses my physical system to often uncomfortable levels, but today it paid massive dividends. To accept the situation and move forward gave Candace so much confidence in what was best for everyone. The fear existed, but it was overcome by the confidence it what we believe. In a short amount of time, William Moxie let out his first cry and warmed our hearts with joy. He restored a void in my heart I knew was there. I did not know what was missing, but now I know. Having two sons who I know will lead with strength and explore with passion was exactly the source of gratitude my heart needed. Two young ones to be men of faith and courage is so much greater than one. The love, joy and protection they will bring to their older sister in the future decades is exactly what my heart needed. The amount of satisfaction my dear bride has for boys is something neither of us knew she possessed. With William added to our tribe, she now has her fulfillment doubled. Blessings such as this are only thankful to our God. We thank you Jesus for these dear gifts.
We spent much of the beginning of the year recovering from personal loss with a young fetus not taking and our beloved Kota leaving us in all his wisdom. Being at home with one another became a huge daily priority. I (Rich) cut back on my work hours to regain a sense of where I was and was going. Adding a short and then long term altitude research project forced a retreat, then a major growth into becoming a family I had always dreamed for us to become. We are committing our family to the journey set before us personally and has unit.
This journey consists of my (Rich) research and business production while steering the ship as the river changes course and the rapids choose to be greater from one day to the next. Work can only exist when the waters of my family are calm. During those rough moments we take refuge in our home, then venture out on a wandering to regain the strength to continue forward. At the beginning of the year, there was much excitement in potentially adding another Rife Ranger. When we learned it was not our time, Candace and I grieved in very different ways. I cannot imagine the challenge of knowing life is within, then it is not. The pathway after loss is never as expected. Much like my climbs into unknown territory, loss can take you to places you never knew existed in your soul while also living deeper in the blessings wandering around you. It is an odd way to regain the one you thought you were yet never know again who he or she was. I now look into my wanderers eyes and see how they look to me to find their way when I am doing the very same as I somehow guide us through our time on earth. When I see their hearts struggling, I look to my past to find memories of when I may have felt those experiences. Those experiences shaped me to be the father and husband they love and must play a role in their journey just as my parents' journeys did before me. The succession of life passes down knowledge gained and lost. I now hope I can pass down what I have been taught as well as gained through our daily experiences together, so this season may be their spring into a future full of confidence and courage and a reduction in fear and doubt. We thank you, oh, Lord, for giving us the opportunity to learn through tragedy and success. Every year is filled with a multitude of unexpected events. This year had those along with many expected ones. My heart knew early in 2015 my dearest Kota would be leaving us. The memories we shared are cherished and incredibly difficult to not day dream on regularly. He is a welcome distraction when I feel the pain of his loss deep in my chest. He and I knew what we had when we first met, and we lived our lives accordingly. His heart always wanted the best for me and encouraged me to be better for others. This has been my life's mantra since his arrival. Learn from experience and apply it to help others.
Yesterday I lost a dear friend who saved my life and my heart. His story his one told in legends. From pulling sleds and carrying gear to showing me where God is, he had the gift of knowing how to handle any situation the best way possible.
We met on Halloween weekend 2004 south of Custer, South Dakota. Arriving to visit his pack, his dad portrayed the epitome of an Alaskan Malamute from the north country. I grew up reading tales of these dogs as they battled fierce weather while maintaining a deep bond with their masters. Kota had the bloodline to be such a dog. He happened to be the runt of the litter as well as the last one of his siblings. His demeanor kept him isolated from the rest of the pack due to his solo personality. That changed the moment we caught eyes. Our lives intertwined in unspeakable ways for the next eleven years. After all the adventures and lessons, we continued as a retired duo living in our memories. Moments of risky, near-death experiences of impending falls or dangerous animals crossed our paths often in the early years, while the love of each other's presence satisfied us during an afternoon backyard tea. His paw would rest on my hand with his head on my lap. We would sit in the shade reminiscing of days gone by. The day I never can forget is when he helped to save my soul. We were trekking through our favorite mountain playground. It had been a rough year with so many personal failures. This journey had its fill as well. Early on our trail, I had been dwelling on my current state with heavy distraction. Suddenly, Kota began to growl and took off through the pines. A trait heavily unlock his nature to always stick to the trail a forge forward ignoring most of the distractions surrounding him. Next the I saw was a bear at least twice his size bursting away from him. I doubt there was a threat against us, but he obviously was not going to take the chance. A few whistles later he returned with a big smile on his face and tongue wagging to the side continuing down the trail. One of many moments when his chest held high in moments of triumph. The next day we ventured up to a precipice overlooking a mountain lake below. He sat there while I looked on 50 yards back at such a amazing view of creation. As I sat there realizing how a region ravaged by storms, winds, and avalanches could still be beautiful. (Just the month before we had been in a tent for most of the weekend waiting out high winds and pouring rain.) If the mountains could be constantly take on so much adversity and still shine with such beauty, I chose to do the same. A moment of transformation I would have missed had God not brought such an amazing creature in to my life. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for such an amazing gift. Kota will forever live as a legend in my life. With his huge frame weakened by age in the past months, his zest for life and heart for me never wavered as a breathed his last time while in my arms outside where he always preferred. I love you Kota. Thank you for accepting the gift to save me. You gave me a life I could never have imagine. My buddy since 2005 has reached the great age of 11. I have been told he would not make it to 10, so every extra day is a blessing. He loves without ending and never complains about much in life except when we are apart. A life long pal for sure.
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